motherhood marriage and Michael Buble

I recently heard a story about a very nice man who has finally left his wife after a very difficult marriage. Apparently, she’s told him in no uncertain terms that until her children are grown (their kids are between the ages six and ten), his job is to bring in the money and her job is to be a mother–in other words, don’t touch me, I’m off limits for the next decade. She’s cold, she’s been cruel, and he can’t do it anymore.

This couple hasn’t been intimate in over a year and a half, and he has remained faithful. He’s been begging her for years to go to counseling and she’ll have nothing to do with it. The heartbreaking part is that he still loves her. (Personally, I don’t have the temperment for that kind of hurtful dry spell. I would be moving on to better, more Latin things as well.)

This story has really affected me lately because I know they’re not the only couple in this situation. Would someone help me understand the mentality here? Why a woman would think, for even one second, that her children can and should trump her husband?

It seems obvious that while this motherhood gig is a long haul, it’s not our forever haul. Being a mom is a season. Being a wife is forever. Hey, I love my kids, but I don’t cuddle up to them at night, I cuddle up to the one I’m glued to for the next unfathomable space of time. They will grow up and find their own mates and have their own families and their own problems. Sure, we’ll be there for the moments they need us and we’ll love the heck out of them, but we’re not married to them.

The worst part about this story to me is the fact that this woman is acting like her husband leaving their non-marriage is an act of infidelity. If you ask me, the man is smart to move on with his life before he actually gets himself in trouble somewhere else. Men aren’t meant to closet themselves away, they need warmth and love and affection and sex.

It doesn’t matter what your religion is, or what your moral beliefs are, no one wants their man to cheat. But let me tell you, withholding companionship from him is just as bad, in my eyes, as having an affair. You want your marriage to rock? It takes work and dedication–and sometimes it means putting that man over everything else.
And that, my friends, is why I have chosen to go to Florida tomorrow with Jason on his business trip (don’t worry, Obama’s paying for it). But, since I’m a good mommy who does care about my children (and Michael Buble’s concert on Wednesday night), I’ve decided to come home after five days because I think it would be too hard on them (and Michael Buble) if I stayed the full week. See, I love my kids (and Michael Buble), but Jason gets me first, my priorities are looking good (kind of like Michael Buble’s….nevermind).


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